Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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