Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
