yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
