That's when you crack a 10am beer
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
