Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
