Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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