I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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