I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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