yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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