One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
