Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
