And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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