swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
