and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
