Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
