So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
