I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Randomize
