My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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