I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize