im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's blow job season.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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