Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
