I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
