i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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