I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
