Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
