you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
