you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
