After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
