Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
