please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
