We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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