Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize