does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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