He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
