Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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