i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
