my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
