i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
