Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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