my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I could fuck to npr.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
