Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's blow job season.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
