I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
