so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize