I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
