everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
