I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
