proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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