I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
