i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
