You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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