whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
