I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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