I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i think i just lost a toe
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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