I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
