why didn't you poke me back
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
