i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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