We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
