He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
