To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
