i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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