areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
