My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
