We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
