he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
