1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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