I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
