the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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