You made me cry and you don't even care
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
