don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
false alarm. still invincible.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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