I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
