Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have aggressive nipples.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
