Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
