I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
