then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
