There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
