best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize